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For about 12 years I have been suffering from an addiction to calling sex chat lines.
It is causing a viscous cycle that is feeding into my depression.I have been treated for depression for several years and am taking medication for it to control, but not remove, the symptoms.I feel compelled to call these sex lines, from my mobile, and can spend hours at a time on them.My mobile bills have run into the £ hundreds each month and some months have been over a £1000.This obviously is causing major financial issues and I am in debt.I just about manage to survive but its a struggle keeping my head above the water.
As well as financial issues I have have feelings of self-hate for what I do and as a result my confidence is at an all time low. Due to lack of money and confidence I never go out much and I get lonely and depressed.I then use the sex lines to make myself feel better and to get a temporary rush.When I call these lines I don't think of anything else and I get a rush of excitement that I never experience elsewhere.I talk to girls and I like to have a conversation before anything sexual. However, I delay achieving an orgasm as I know as soon as I have my feelings of regret, shame and guilt hit me in a hard way. I also use sex text numbers and view internet porn and materials when I cannot afford to make the calls or texts.Sometimes I can be on the phone all night into the early hours.When I wake I feel tired and almost, hungover, from the night before. I am so ashamed of myself that I find it difficult to talk to anyone about this issue (I have never told anyone directly). I have even found that I cannot resist calling the lines during the day and sometimes when I should be working.