Dating fear

04-Oct-2014 12:37 by 8 Comments

Dating fear - dating idea for teen

I’m going to recklessly throw this out there: My name is Zara Barrie, and I’m woefully terrified of the prospect of being vulnerable to another human being. In fact, on the contrary, I look at it as a giant, bright red warning flag wildly waving itself above my head.

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In fact, most days when I wake up, I feel like the most vulnerable creature ever to grace the planet. Some people are afraid of being confined in a packed subway car or are racked by nerves the moment they find themselves on an empty street on the Lower East Side come nightfall.Some people are overcome with electric shocks of anxiety when they are stuck in a large crowd of sweaty 20-somethings at a drug-frenzied music festival.I have a dear friend who is so sorely afraid of other people’s bare feet; she refuses to date anyone who would dare to wear open-toed shoes.My brother feels jittery in the presence of clowns.My mother is terrified of the movie “The Exorcist” and won’t even let me utter the title of the movie aloud while under of her roof. While I’m notorious for and outspoken about my irrational, sweeping fears of furry raccoons (it was painful to even WRITE those two fatal words) — I’m quiet and guarded about my issue with vulnerability.After all, aren’t women supposed to be seen as these carefree, open-hearted, free-spirited entities?

I’m afraid to be vulnerable, and I’m afraid you will see I’m afraid to be vulnerable.

Because boys are the ones who are supposed to have issues exposing their softer side. I’m not sure where the root of this fear is derived from, but I do know it’s all too often the very thing that stops me from getting truly close to anyone, especially when it comes to the ever-complex world of love. Except I have this horrendous habit I can’t seem to shake: As soon as I get close to a partner, as soon as someone starts to crack through the surface and break into the raw realness — I run.

I crave a true, honest, deep, raw and impenetrable LOVE just like every other 20-something female making her own way in the world. Maybe it’s because exposing those wounds is what makes the pain set in.

And I, like many a girl of the modern world, am a chronic avoider of feeling unpleasant feels. Is the fear of hitting the ground so overwhelmingly powerful that it overrides the desire to fall?

I’m not alone in my all-consuming unease of this unsafe, unfamiliar feeling of vulnerability. Are we all so collectively damaged that we choose fear over love?

In fact, a ton of my girlfriends are tethered by the same phobia — it’s fear that reverberates throughout our generation. Because the truth is this: How can we have deep and meaningful relationships if we don’t let anyone get too close? We can’t experience love without making ourselves vulnerable. We need to let people truly see us if we want the love to be real.

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