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What do you do when your parents don’t approve or feel that the person you love/dating is the right person for you? And while I like to maintain a separation between church and date, I don’t think your culture can be entirely ignored here. So if your parents are super-caring and attentive, they’re likely to be overprotective.Do you respect their wishes and find someone who is welcome at home and around your family, or do you follow your heart and stay with the person you love even if your parents may not attend the wedding? I’ve explored this concept before, in relation to successful women, but I think it applies to Judaism as well. If they’re intelligent, they’re likely to be opinionated.
Okay, so, maybe I’m making religion the unfair scapegoat for your parents’ judgment of your boyfriend, without any real context. There are some genuine concerns that parents can have about who’s dating their daughter.But in the absence of tangible “you’re hurting yourself and risking life-long sorrow” reasons? Good parenting means giving your kids the tools to make good decisions, NOT making decisions for them.EVERY SINGLE HAPPY PERSON I KNOW is happy because of independent choices – not predetermined plans foisted upon them by overbearing parents.I’m going to briefly use myself as an example, since I never, ever do that.When I declared in 1993 that I was cancelling my LSATs and becoming a comedy writer, my parents supported me.When I decided that I wasn’t going to pursue screenwriting anymore and that I was going to film school to be a professor, my parents supported me…. Still, I’d be remiss if you thought I was suggesting that all parental wisdom is worthless.
When I told them I was dropping out of film school to promote “I Can’t Believe I’m Buying This Book” and E-Cyrano, and was going to make my way as a dating coach, my parents supported me. I may have broken their hearts and drained their wallets and destroyed their dreams of having a professional son, but they knew that I was driven and competent and had to find my own way. If you love your parents, you probably want to make them happy. YOU are the one who has to live daily with the consequences of her own decisions. Sometimes, we are so blinded by love that we can unwillingly steer our lives into a ditch.Nothing could have sown the seeds of strife MORE than them putting their foot down and telling me where I was going to work and what I was going to do. But once you put their happiness above your own, you’re screwed. They think that because they brought you into this world and sacrificed tremendously for you that they have a right to tell you how to life your life as an adult. YOU are the one who is in her own mind when her head hits the pillow at the end of the night. But there’s a big difference between Mom cautioning you not to settle down with the heroin-shooting rock star and her commanding you not to marry Patrick because he doesn’t have a masters degree and his family goes to church instead of synagogue. But if your parents find it more important to be “right” than to be supportive, I feel confident that you’re better off without them on your very special day. You know what makes you happy better than anyone else does.There’s a big difference between Mom cautioning you not to settle down with the heroin-shooting rock star and her commanding you not to marry Patrick because he doesn’t have a masters degree and his family goes to church instead of synagogue. Not a lot of details as to “why” your parents don’t like the person your with but Evan gave good answer anyways of course. Making life decisions on based on what everyone else thinks is not going to leave you happy, whether it’s in love, career or any other of the choices you make.It will probably happen to you at least once in your life.You'll fall for somebody that your parents don't like.Sometimes their disapproval will be valid, other times it will be irrational, but no matter what it will be hard for you to deal with.