Dating nice people online su
Dating nice people online su - amber heard dating women
So there are plenty of very nice people out there who have exhibited both extremes of the assertiveness spectrum.To be assertive, you need to learn to engage in conflict. Sometimes it’s hard to muster the motivation to speak up when the likelihood is high that things will turn ugly.
The trick is that you need to shift your attention away from the headache that will come with getting involved to all of the things you stand to gain from your assertiveness.Say “and” instead of “but.” The simple act of replacing the word “but” with “and” makes conflict much more constructive and collaborative.Say, for example, that your teammate John wants to use the majority of your budget on a marketing campaign, but you’re worried that doing so won’t leave enough money for a critical new hire.Instead of saying, “I see that you want to use the money for marketing, but I think we need to make a new hire,” say “I see that you want to use the money for marketing, and I think we need to make a new hire.” The difference is subtle, but the first sentence minimizes the value of his idea.When you’re a nice person, conflict can be a real challenge.Not that mean people are any better at conflict; they just enjoy it more.
New research from Columbia University shows that how you handle conflict can make or break your career.The researchers measured something scientifically that many of us have seen firsthand—people who are too aggressive in conflict situations harm their performance by upsetting and alienating their peers, while people who are too passive at handling conflict hinder their ability to reach their goals.The secret to effective handling of conflict is assertiveness—that delicate place where you get your needs met without bullying the other person into submission.Assertive people strike a careful balance between passivity and aggression (that is, they never lean too far in either direction).It’s easy to think that nice people are too passive.While that’s often true, unchecked passivity can boil over into aggression.