Dating others while in a relationship
Dating others while in a relationship - speed dating 45 plus
I’ve been with my boyfriend, Max*, for five years now. I tend to fall in love with 10 different people a day, for one reason or another. Max doesn’t seem to crush at all, but honestly, I think that’s more because of our different personalities than an indication of our levels of commitment.
Despite my frequent crushes, my feelings for Max have never wavered.
But I will admit that over the course of our five years, some of those fun, flirty little crushes have morphed into something bigger, something worth worrying about.
I wasn’t just joking around about that hot flight attendant who gave me free wine; the thought of slipping him my email address crossed my mind.
I once went so far as to fantasize about a male friend — to the point where I got goosebumps every time I thought about us getting naked together.
These crushes felt very different than my casual crushes on say, the cable guy. It doesn’t care if the person in question is TOTALLY wrong for you.
It was in these moments that I wished Max get crushes. It will still keep you up at night and convince you to touch up your lip gloss more often, just in case. We sent a couple flirty emails back and forth under the guise of “essay feedback.” (I’ll show you my notes if you show me yours.”) I dressed up for class.
If he had ever so much as glanced at another woman, I might have felt less like a villain fantasizing about joining the Mile-High club. The worst of these crushes was one I got a few years ago on a guy I met in a writing class I took. I got butterflies every time our eyes met while our professor was reading Raymond Carver excerpts.I found that when I tried to stifle my feelings for him, they only grew stronger.When I mentally beat myself up for these feelings (“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! ”), I felt even shittier than before, and my crush still refused to wane.I felt helpless and trapped in a crush I didn’t want to have, neglecting a relationship I didn’t want to leave.It never got to the point where we made plans to hang out alone, although there were days when I wanted to ask him to have a drink after class.Even if it did, I’m not sure I could have or would have ever cheated on Max, but just the fact that maybe it was kind of an option set me on edge.