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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert.
“Hoovering” is the term used to describe a narcissist trying to re-connect with you after a time of separation.
Often, this separation occurs after a time of silence between you and the narcissist.
The hoovering generally happens when you are not making contact, and at times when you are trying to get on with your life.
If you are the one trying to contact and make-up, it is more likely that the narcissist will devalue and discard you.
If this is not the case, it is because the narcissist still wants something from you – possessions, money, status, contacts or sex because other sources are momentarily low.
Many people over the years have stated about the narcissists in their life, “Why doesn’t he or she leave me alone? ” Then of course, many people have been incessantly checking their emails, phones and answering machines that the narcissist will contact them.
It is very usual in the relationship with a narcissist to expect, fear and dread hoovering, and then, at times, feel like you won’t survive if you don’t receive it.
Such is the when you are stuck in the throes of narcissistic abuse.
Additionally people have been astounded at how – even after the narcissist has moved on with a new partner – that they still make contact, and still try to affect and create reactions.
And that they, non-ashamedly, declare their “love” and “devotion” whilst doing this with another person or multiple people at the same time, or “innocently” parade a new partner in front of the ex-partner in order to hurt them.
With comments such as “She is so wonderful, and it means so much to me to have your blessing with her.” What is this all about?
Clearly mature, decent adults And why do narcissists after months or years – even if you don’t respond in any shape or form – still “throw a line” to “test the waters” to see if you’ll “take the bait?